Dreams and Desires

The idea of creation and what it means to be human; if that just gave you Greek Mythology or the Myth of Creation vibes fear not; this is not a philosophy or a history lesson. When I create a piece of jewelry, I think about emotion—I try to question my deepest desires. Things that have a meaning to me in one context or another. Every piece I design and make has a story and is deeply personal.

What are the odds I am creating something I deem exciting instead of working at a place I sought out seeking refugee from failure or success in a non-traditional pursuit for a freshly graduated Ivy-League Economics graduate?

At some point, I wanted to be a lawyer or an engineer. It seemed like everyone else was doing. It sounded very seductive to my 18-year-old mind. As you have learned, I am neither a lawyer nor an engineer.

I have thought a million times about my career—about the impact I wish to have. How do I maximize that impact and continue my journey as a creator?

I have had to dig deep about what I want, what my desires are and what is expected of me; I am not great at doing things for the sake of making other people happy. I realize no matter how hard I was to try this is impractical and deeply cutting to my soul. It is pointless—I cannot make sense of it. Why not spend my limited time using the skills I have or the talents I am gifted with instead of burying them somewhere in the backyard to pursue something I am not heavily invested in?

I find myself deeply invested in my jewelry work and business; is it scary every day? Sure, I am scared of all the same things you are—what if I am not doing enough? What if I lose creativity? What if I do become a starving artist? I have accepted my feelings. They are valid, but they do not define me nor shall they stop me from living my life.

I learned from a very young age to fear very little. I would walk around everywhere consumed in my environment; I would pick fresh fruit from exotic trees where I would occasionally find a worm living inside or pick all the flowers I liked (oops). Then, I would go to my grandmother's house on a horse where I would drink fresh milk from cows I sometimes milked myself. I assume these things have a lot to do with how strong my immune system is and my sense of possibility and wonder. I do not find pleasure in putting walls up for myself. Who am I to say what is possible or impossible?

I find it hard to conform to rules set as to how I should live. At the end of this, I am simply a mortal being. One of my favorite myths from Greek Mythology is where the Greek gods are jealous of human beings because they get to live forever and miss out on the pleasure or agony of knowing you have a limited time. For humans, any moment may be the last. Emotions and experiences are not eternal, but they are more intense. So this is how I prioritize my goals; am I creating or finding meaning to the world around me?

Deep inside of me, I have the desire to create, to feel close to the earth, to my feelings. I express it through the study and creation of beauty. I find pleasure in finding beautiful stones or ideas in my brain and making them part of my collection. From conception to working on a project with my own hands—it is not just an aesthetic or jewelry; it is what makes me feel alive. The relationship between my brain and my hands and getting to touch some of the most impressive creations in the world is a feeling I can never forget.

Nelly and a Cacti in Joshua Tree in California

Photo c / o Kang-Chun Cheng